The garden and the promise of spring

I've done out the front and dug it over, taken the Crocosmia from the other side of the garden where it wasn't happy and only had a couple of flowers to a nice sunny spot where it can go mad. I've pruned the roses and made some cuttings now in the conservatory. I've taken a large ornamental grass from the back garden where I will be putting the veg patch, split it and put it out the front between the Crocosmia and the Rosemary. In the propagator there's cosmos and cornflower seedlings doing very well.
Pictures from the garden of Snowdrops, Aconites, Hellebores and Crocuses. The Daffs are starting to come up, you can just about see their heads starting to form buds...won't be long now :)

Thanks for nothing

In the light of various news programmes and other media highlighting the over sexualisation of children in the media and this http://tinyurl.com/ydby8qh Katie Price posting a picture of her 2 year old daughter on facebook with false eyelashes and makeup, it got me thinking about what we as parents are supposed to actually do about it.
The media are always ready to paint a picture of gloom and doom - our children are growing up in a world where by the time they are 10 girls will all supposedly want pole dancing on the school curriculum and boys will have all seen some hard core porn in some shape or form what then?
Kids who grow up on farms, see animals having sex, people in far off cultures are married at 12. I do think our society has a problem and that girls are growing up in a world where Lady GaGa in a gang bang video is acceptable viewing for 8 year old girls, so what then?
I have two boys and although they won't have the same pressures faced by girls they will be having relationships with girls (or boys - I'm not proud). I want to at least ensure that my boys will have the tools to be able to form friendships with girls both sexual and platonic - I have many male friends - some men just aren't equipt to be friends with women, it seems. I don't want my boys to have unrealistic, unfair expectations of how their girl friends should be and the aspirations they have.
My first proper boyfriend was arrogant and rebellious - I thought he was cool. In reality he had a very low self esteem and actively sought out to undermine and belittle what talent I had so that I wouldn't seem better than him. I let him spend my money and behave like a brat in front of my family. This has happened to women throughout history, and I don't think it's more or less likely now, if anything women are taught about the dangers of relationships like the one I had. My friends had similar experiences with varying degrees of degradation and abuse, some far worse than what I put up with, also for far longer. I dumped him after a year and a half. One of my friends put up with a boyfriend with a severe alcohol problem for a good 5 years and another was physically and mentally abused for a good couple of years. So is it going to be worse for girls now?
Sexualisation as in making a child look like a woman because they don't have the appropriate stimulation to keep them a child for long enough is one thing - it's what it leads to in later life that is the concern - being able to form your personality, likes, dislikes, aspirations, talents etc without worrying about conforming to a set of expectations about what a woman should do/act/look like is crucial.
I don't think the internet can make this any harder than it already is, advertising is a major culprit and if anything, I think telly is improving since the 70's and 80's when it comes to having women in positions of responsibility, charisma, expertise, talent etc Just like kids, all women need role models and there are some good women out there mostly they are very beautiful as well as talented but part of that is just knowing how to make the most of yourself - they aren't all thin, some are very tall some are very small, they represent the UK in racial diversity more and more so well done the BBC and Channel 4 for being on the case.
Kids telly is mostly pretty good, from what I let the boys watch - there is pink fairy stuff out there which I know I'm completely oblivious to as I have boys but not that much and lets face it, girls can like a bit of fairy princess stuff, so long as it's not all they are into. My boys have a variety of types of toys and the mediums they play with them in - they have the wooden railway - a favorite, but also, a farm with animals and the play mat has fields. My son has a combine harvester as well as a tractor and trailer for emptying the combine once he's harvested the carpet. We have pairs games, puzzles, snakes an ladders, castles, pens, glitter and glue, magnets, torches, dressing up kit, musical instruments, ride on toys, bikes, sand pit, etc Girls have access to all of this too - is it the fact that parents can quickly restrict the range of play as their kids get older and do more at school so that when they are home the parents select toys that tidy away well and fit in with the image they have of their kids.
I don't believe in spending alot on my kids, especially not around Christmas or birthdays but I do think that they should have a wide range of stimulation available, some with my input and participation - games, cooking, sticking and painting. But alot that they can do themselves; stories and scenarios that they make up, situations they make up so that it can be mended and solved. For example, Leon will break the connection in a railway bridge and stick one train teetering on the edge so another train can rescue him or her.
I wonder whether by providing our kids with a sense of history in their family, to know where they came from, see old photos of us and our family will give them a sense of who they are and who we are. Surely this is part of building their confidence and self worth. Isn't this what will help them form healthy friendships and relationships later on in life? Seeing anatomical footage of sex, like watching animals at it isn't what makes us fall in love with someone. Giving them the skills to communicate their feelings and expectations to each other is surely more relevant here. Once they know the biology, which I believe they can fully comprehend by the time they are 7 or 8, it's up to us to guide them towards being balanced human beings.

Monsieur Robinet

At about 7pm I was just starting the last of Leon and Reuben's bedtime stories when Toby informed me it was the night John Hegley was on at the Maltings. Having made a great deal of effort to interest my friends in coming with me, no-one was available/interested and even though I really wanted to go, I'd pretty much resigned myself to not going.
Love is a Husband who tells you to go, get going, go on go, you can bike down there and be there just in time. So I kissed the boys good night and cycled down to the Maltings. Within minutes I was buying a ticket and there was a seat in the front row. I did feel conspicuously alone but I've been to stuff on my own before, mainly before my 30th birthday but still. I wanted to twitter while I waited with no one to talk to but The Maltings is in a twitter blackout zone, it seems. I had signal enough to send a text and receive one back but the internet was not at my disposal. I've done my best to keep it up in my head and get it down here before I forget. I was also conscious I'd left the house without looking in any mirror, I had an extra hair clip in my hair that I'd found on the floor when Reuben tipped a pen jar out this afternoon and probably looked like the woman who drove the school bus in South Park.
It was lots of fun, John Hegley and Keith Moore on Double Bass and Euphonium. It reminded me a bit of the days when I used to go to Gypsy Jazz with my Dad and Leon Russelson, Comedy, songs and poetry. All a quirky, imaginative and cheeky look at life through the eyes of a man forever 7 years old. I hope I get to take Leon when he's about 7.
I bought a book, which was signed by John in red and blue crayon. I was all a flutter and didn't manage to string much of a sentence together but tried to sound appreciative and slightly intelligent, the latter failed. I think I said something stupid about there not being much material from him available then now I've googled him for a picture, he is a very prolific artist with many publishings, even a mug, which I feel the urge to buy, even maybe get one for my dad. I'm not sure why I didn't find this site when I googled the first time and sent links to my friends, especially the ones who appear to come from a cultural wilderness, and the others who clearly have a more interesting life than me. I'm glad I went.
When I got back to my bike, there was frost on my helmet and seat, I gingerly biked back home through town, Fore Hill is a bit of an effort and the cold is right down inside my lungs but hopefully it's not done me any harm. It's a long time since I cycled in the cold or that late at night (10pm, sad eh?) The fresh cold air, the smell of wood smoke and that funny sensation when your chin goes numb. It was very lovely. I'm very glad I went.
Now, time for my tea.

Still cold

God it's cold, I'm really done with the wintry showers now. Saturday we did the 2nd Nearly New Sale at the lighthouse centre. It went really well and it was an enjoyable experience. We managed to find a few nice bits too - one perk of organising it I get to look round as they set up :) Dad came to help again - he does the door - we've discovered that it's really nice to have him here to help, he enjoys doing it and there's only so many visits to Anglesea Abbey he can do so this is a nice change.
Leon likes having my dad here too, he likes it when Grandma or Granddad Don come to stay :)

brush

A slightly and increasingly less rare moment of collaboration

Thomas is a cheeky engine

It seems fitting/ironic that the one toy that causes the most arguments is the wooden railway. Thomas stories are full of tales of learning lessons in life like getting on with people and learning to not behave like a complete arse to your fellow human beings. In our house it is the source of the most animosity between the boys as they steal each other's trains and argue about track rights. I make separate tracks for each of them but I turn my back and Percy is suddenly in Tidmouth sheds with Leon when a minute ago he was chuffing along with Rosie and Reuben. Reuben retaliates by stealing James, then it all kicks off as Leon chases Reuben round the room and Reuben hangs on to James for dear life and Leon tries in vain to get it back while throwing a hissy fit. My only real course of action is to say right, the railway goes away - I warn Leon when it goes out, any arguing and screaming and the railway goes away. Some days it works and the rail way is out from dawn until dusk, other days, like today it barely made dawn.

Feb here already

I was rudely awakened this morning at 6am by Reuben screaming the house down, judging by his lack of response to me and cuddles, he was dreaming and it took a good few minutes of hard crying for him to calm down which is virtually unheard of for him - he's usually the most laid back lad and hardly ever cries. Having said that, having an older brother dominating him, he's becoming very good at sticking up for himself and if that means hanging on to something for dear life and crying as loud as Leon, so be it. Yesterday he had a run in with Harriet (same age as Leon) who wanted to play with what he was playing with, he hung in there and wouldn't give it up, Harriet threw a massive 3 year old hissy fit and poor Liz ended up taking her home as it didn't look like she was going to let go. I played host to 3 other 3 year olds and their younger siblings yesterday for a pizza making party. It went down very well with the rest of the kids - from kneading the dough, then loading the pizza, then eating the pizza. Most of them ate their slice and enjoyed it. I wonder if Reuben was re-living his experience of hanging on to his favorite toy, something along those lines. I believe it's not unusual at this age (19m) to get night terrors. Leon had them for a while too, generally we'd let him ride it out, he'd cry for about 30 seconds like the world was ending then he'd be fast asleep again. With the two of them being next to each other it's more complicated as Leon is woken up too. This was different to what Leon had, so we will see what works if it carries on.

Expletives

Rusty chopps! Sweaty wellies! poey nappies, smelly socks, muddy trousers, bust my buffers! These and many more, the joy of expletives. They make Leon giggle and burst with naughty laughter. He makes up his own mostly and I will try to write them down, even the nonsense ones.

Aunt Maud turns in her grave

My Great Aunt Maud might be turning in her grave as I made Leon and Reuben's Curtains from scratch. I think I've done a good job, wizzed them up this afternoon, I measured and pinned but didn't bother tacking. I'm sure Great Aunt Maud would be shaking her head. I'm sure she'd be happy to see that I am using my sewing machine and that making curtains seems to be in my DNA.
I'm rather chuffed with myself.
Picture taken of me and Aunty in about 1975.

Back in the habit

I really want to get back into the habit of blogging properly, between turning the blog into an online photo album and getting distracted by facebook, it's pretty much gone out of existence. It's not the same though, and this precious time as the boys change and grow all the time will soon be over.
Leon started pre-school this week, he is well up for it and we haven't had any tears at all, if anything he'd probably like longer but that will come in good time. After the first day, the teacher told me that during story time at the end when they all sat together, he blew raspberries and refused to settle down and listen. I was a bit embarrassed as he's usually good with listening to stories but he's not done it since so I put it down to being the end of his first ever day at nursery so maybe he was a little overwhelmed when it came to sitting as a group for the first time. Alot of the other kids have been in childcare so are more accustomed to it.
At home, we are doing much more things like colouring and drawing where we discuss what he's drawing and we come up with ideas - for example, he was scribbling in green then red and he said they were Pepper Pig, Daddy Pigs etc favorite colours (see episode with ice creams) so suggested he drew the ice creams and their respective favorite colours which he did.
Both of them are good boys on the whole with a mischievous streak when they get bored or tired, nothing unusual there. Reuben is very cuddly too and likes to kiss and make the kissing noise, which he's done from about 12 months, I've not come across a kid, especially a baby who will blow kisses and make the mwah sound with such a pleasing air. Darling! Maybe he's destined for the arts.
Reuben's off with Nana and Leon's just been dropped off to school on Toby's return, we are going to attempt to replace the curtain rail on the ceiling in the boys room which is falling apart. Wish me luck.

My 40th!

To celebrate turning 40, I invited some friends to join me in infiltrating the Russian embassy at Bar Hill... it's a game run by 'SpyMasters' - really good!

21 of us turned up and went in in 4 teams. After a 'helicopter' ride it was straight into the action, hacking into PCs, cracking safes, evading cameras and laser alarms, crawling through heating ducts... exhausting but exhilarating!

Everyone thought it was excellent - they all did it on 'medium' but my team opted for 'hard'... and blimy it was. We didn't get the highest score, but we escaped with the recovered guns with tux intact ;)



Check out more photos on Facebook

In together

After two weekends away with the boys sleeping in the same room together, I asked Leon if they he wanted to share with Reuben. He said yes!
Now Reuben's room is a play room and his room is their room. After a week, I'd say they are there to stay!

Jan and Maaike

Tob drove us down to Bristol last friday for the weekend. He was off for a Live Role Play Stag Weekend in Wales - yes these things do exist. We had a lovely laid back weekend with Jan and I and 3 children. I say laid back, it was but the days were long having to be up with the boys from 6 plus having Leon come into bed with me in the night. It was lovely to spend time with my Sister and Maaike is coming on a treat. She adores the boys and the feeling is mutual.
Tob came to pick us up and have Sunday lunch with us at Jan's around midday, with stories of gay hairdressing elves and dandy highway women. It was one hell of a weekend they had. Tob really needed something like this to unwind and actually see is friends. This was followed in a good way this last weekend when after Toby's Cousin Sue's 40th birthday party down in Bedford, we left the boys in their pjamas to come back with Ellen and Dan and we got to go to Martin and Soph's BBQ party down in London. We stayed over, had breakfast with Soph in a lovely cafe bistro on a beautiful summers day. The boys had a lovely time with their Nana so it was a good weekend for everyone.

Beach 2009

This Beach lived up to expectations, the weather was fantastic, the people lovely. Each year more and more kids appear and I can't wait for the stage where the sand castle competitions and frisbee games with the kids can start. This year was the one with the diggers :)

Grandma's

This was the beginning of August but I have taken a while to getting round to catching up with the blog. We drove up to Sam and Rowans for the weekend and visited Grandma on the Sunday afternoon, driving straight home from there. The weather wasn't great on the Saturday at Sam's but we had a fab time, the company made up for any short falls in the weather. We went to a Monkey Forest, which was interesting, then in the evening we had a lovely meal, only the best Indian in the area and then got introduced to the delights of their Wii. It was good to have a go, we will probably get one in a few years, I dare say the boys will demand it.
This was the first time for a while the boys and us had to all sleep in the same room. Leon had his pump up ready bed, Reuben, the travel cot and us, Sam's double bed. Surprisingly the boys settled to sleep really quickly and impressed apon me the idea that they might actually prefer sleeping in the same room...
Grandma looked really well despite denials from her :) It was really lovely to see her and introduce her to her new great grandson.

who does this remind you of?

This was taken summer 1973 when Toby was 3, even Leon thought it was him.

Wimpole Hall

We went to Wimpole Hall at the weekend, and discovered it has an adventure playground. Both the boys loved it!

and..he's off!

Reuben's first few steps while Mum's here.

Last Wednesday I ate my first peanut for over 15 years

In my early 20s I was part of a second-stage trial for Beconase, a nose spray that helps with hay fever. To test I was suitable for the trial, ie that I did actually have hay fever, I had a skin prick test. This showed I was indeed allergic to grass.

However, for some reason they also tested peanut, which came up positive. I was handed a pamphlet which warned of the danger of 'anaphylactic shock'. This is a severe reaction to peanut which can kill in minutes.

Of course, I was very worried about this and immediately cut all nuts out of my diet.

Over the years I've had various tests to determine what exactly I'm allergic to, both skin prick tests and blood tests (RAST) but they've all been inconclusive. Finally I decided that the only real test was an 'oral challenge'.

I had yet another skin prick test at Adenbrookes hospital in Cambridge, and convinced them that I needed to do the oral challenge. After a bit of a wait, I found myself back at the allergy clinic last Wednesday, feeling very apprehensive. Obviously they're prepared to treat anaphylactic shock with adrenaline, but I was kinda worried...

I was treated very well at the hospital, everyone was friendly and the doctor explained everything step by step. We did more skin prick tests, a blood pressure test, a 'blow hard down this tube' test and had a chat about my history and the test to come.

First, I had to rub a piece of peanut on my outer lip. If I was severely allergic to peanut, I would have had swelling. After 10 minutes, there was no reaction, so we tried inner lip, then tongue. As I'd not had a reaction at all, they gave me a slither of peanut to eat, then a quarter, then a half, then a whole peanut!

I did feel that my throat and palate were raw and uncomfortable, but the doctor was not convinced this was an 'oral allergy' (see below) as that's rare with peanut. It was more likely that because it's hay fever season and my throat was already sensitive, that the scratchiness of the peanut was irritating.

In fact the doctor said she'd not expected any reaction, looking at my test results/history, but it was as important to prove a negative as it was a positive.

Apparently the understanding of allergies has come a long way in 20 years. It's now clear that there is an 'atopy' or allergy gene. This leads to sensitivity, which is seen as small reactions to skin prick tests (up to 3mm diameter wheal) to various substances. These small wheals are now seen as *negative* results as they do not indicate a full allergy.

These small wheals were what had been so confusing over the years.

Now, my reaction to peanut was 6mm, so it was technically a positive, but thinking about it, you only get anaphylactic shock the second time you eat peanut... if you don't get it then, you're not going to, which is why the doctor wasn't too worried about me. Of course I could have had some other reaction, but it was never going to be fatal. Also, I found out that wheals can be up to 30mm, so a 6mm wheal wasn't a large reaction anyway.

Now, my reaction to hazelnut was 8mm. The doctor thought I might get 'oral allergy' reaction to hazel, which is, basically, an itchy mouth. Hazel and apple share common enzymes with Silver Birch, which many people, including me, are allergic to - along with grass, that's what gives me hay fever. When I eat raw apple I get an itchy mouth. This was rather confusing to me and my parents as a child! The good thing is that cooking apples destroys the enzyme, which means I can have apple pies without any problem. However cooking nuts doesn't destroy the enzyme, which is why the doctor thought I might have an oral reaction to hazelnut - I'm going back to Adenbrookes at some point for another oral challenge.

For all other nuts, the advice was that I am unlikely to have any reaction to them, even for those where I get a small wheal on the skin test - it will be safe for me to self-test at home, eg test outer lip etc.

It's been a huge weight all these years, not knowing exactly what I could/couldn't eat. It turns out it was an unnecessary worry. I actually broke down in the hospital because it was such a huge relief. I wish they'd never done the test in the first place, but I can't get too rilled about it.

So, why has it taken me a week to blog about it? Well it's difficult to get too excited about a negative result, even if that's really good. Nothing has changed in my life. I suppose I could now lick my fingers after making a Nutella toast for Leon, but being careful is so ingrained that I don't.

The big change will be when we go to Holland. Christine is going to want Saté sauce on her chips, and I guess I'll try it. Still fills me with fear, even though I know now nothing will happen.

It's a big change which I'll slowly get used to. Can't wait to eat pistachios again, my favorite nut, yum yum!!!

What was I doing 20 years ago today?

It was 1989 and I was 18. To be honest I can only guess bits now. I think I'd just dumped Richard for being a clingy mad person (he sectioned himself a while later), I was probably living between my Dad's and across the road at Wendy's. At some point, this couple turned up, they lived in a big old black bus called the Bluebell bus with bluebells painted up the side. They had two kids, Rowan was 7 and Heather was about 6 months. They were heading off to a festival down in Cornwall, I was fed up with life in Newbury and decided to hitch a ride with them. Over night I became a sort of live in traveller opair. I looked after Heather for Sue and we all slept in this bus. There was a cot, a double bed up the end and Rowan and I slept on mattresses on the floor I think. When we first arrived in Treworgy, we were on the top of a hillside about a fortnight before the festival was due to start. The weather was really hot and dry and we filled most of our days pottering about, playing with the kids, getting stoned and the occasional day trip to some standing stones. Then when the festival started we moved to another field 'the travellers field' as appose to the campers and nothing much changed really. I only ventured on to the festival site a couple of times it was really hot and dusty, I don't think it had rained for about a month. Living next to our bus was another bus, a vintage M orris van that was also converted to live in an the owner was a tatoo artist who did all the festivals over the summer and for some reason was taking this festival offsite as a kind of holiday I suppose. At some point he mentioned he wanted a haircut, a mohecan I think, i offered to cut his hair in return for a tattoo, or he offered I can't remember. Either way he got a haircut to his satisfaction and he gave me a tattoo. The design I came up with was bigger than I think he'd intended and he had run out of the stencils they use to do Celtic bands which at the time were rare and only just being seen out and about. Lucky for me I didn't get a Celtic band as everyone was getting them and they became soooo common. I got my tree tattoo. The only other person I know with a tree tattoo is Justin the singer from New Model Army. When the festival ended I'd got tired of Sue and Steve for numerous reasons - living in someone elses family is enough reason, I tagged along with a group closer to my own age, they ended up arguing and there was much gossip back and forth. In the end I tired of them too and ended up on a site that was effectively a layby just outside Hereford with nothing but a tent and a bag, surrounded by brew crew and finding out that life on the road as a traveller was really pretty rough actually and as I was lucky enough to have family I could return to, that's what I should do. I returned home to Newbury and enrolled in the College to have a 2nd try at A levels, this time, Music, Photography and Theatre Studies. I found a job part time at a health food store, called Sun Store. I think I lasted about a term. By 1990, I'd started temping for Vodafone which to me I might have well been working for the gestapo. The only thing keeping me sane was playing Sax in a Dub Reggae band called Kindred Spirit based just outside Hungerford. I saved enough for a trip over to Holland to visit my mum and decided to have a try at living in Holland. I stayed there for 10 very happy years.