Thanks for nothing

In the light of various news programmes and other media highlighting the over sexualisation of children in the media and this http://tinyurl.com/ydby8qh Katie Price posting a picture of her 2 year old daughter on facebook with false eyelashes and makeup, it got me thinking about what we as parents are supposed to actually do about it.
The media are always ready to paint a picture of gloom and doom - our children are growing up in a world where by the time they are 10 girls will all supposedly want pole dancing on the school curriculum and boys will have all seen some hard core porn in some shape or form what then?
Kids who grow up on farms, see animals having sex, people in far off cultures are married at 12. I do think our society has a problem and that girls are growing up in a world where Lady GaGa in a gang bang video is acceptable viewing for 8 year old girls, so what then?
I have two boys and although they won't have the same pressures faced by girls they will be having relationships with girls (or boys - I'm not proud). I want to at least ensure that my boys will have the tools to be able to form friendships with girls both sexual and platonic - I have many male friends - some men just aren't equipt to be friends with women, it seems. I don't want my boys to have unrealistic, unfair expectations of how their girl friends should be and the aspirations they have.
My first proper boyfriend was arrogant and rebellious - I thought he was cool. In reality he had a very low self esteem and actively sought out to undermine and belittle what talent I had so that I wouldn't seem better than him. I let him spend my money and behave like a brat in front of my family. This has happened to women throughout history, and I don't think it's more or less likely now, if anything women are taught about the dangers of relationships like the one I had. My friends had similar experiences with varying degrees of degradation and abuse, some far worse than what I put up with, also for far longer. I dumped him after a year and a half. One of my friends put up with a boyfriend with a severe alcohol problem for a good 5 years and another was physically and mentally abused for a good couple of years. So is it going to be worse for girls now?
Sexualisation as in making a child look like a woman because they don't have the appropriate stimulation to keep them a child for long enough is one thing - it's what it leads to in later life that is the concern - being able to form your personality, likes, dislikes, aspirations, talents etc without worrying about conforming to a set of expectations about what a woman should do/act/look like is crucial.
I don't think the internet can make this any harder than it already is, advertising is a major culprit and if anything, I think telly is improving since the 70's and 80's when it comes to having women in positions of responsibility, charisma, expertise, talent etc Just like kids, all women need role models and there are some good women out there mostly they are very beautiful as well as talented but part of that is just knowing how to make the most of yourself - they aren't all thin, some are very tall some are very small, they represent the UK in racial diversity more and more so well done the BBC and Channel 4 for being on the case.
Kids telly is mostly pretty good, from what I let the boys watch - there is pink fairy stuff out there which I know I'm completely oblivious to as I have boys but not that much and lets face it, girls can like a bit of fairy princess stuff, so long as it's not all they are into. My boys have a variety of types of toys and the mediums they play with them in - they have the wooden railway - a favorite, but also, a farm with animals and the play mat has fields. My son has a combine harvester as well as a tractor and trailer for emptying the combine once he's harvested the carpet. We have pairs games, puzzles, snakes an ladders, castles, pens, glitter and glue, magnets, torches, dressing up kit, musical instruments, ride on toys, bikes, sand pit, etc Girls have access to all of this too - is it the fact that parents can quickly restrict the range of play as their kids get older and do more at school so that when they are home the parents select toys that tidy away well and fit in with the image they have of their kids.
I don't believe in spending alot on my kids, especially not around Christmas or birthdays but I do think that they should have a wide range of stimulation available, some with my input and participation - games, cooking, sticking and painting. But alot that they can do themselves; stories and scenarios that they make up, situations they make up so that it can be mended and solved. For example, Leon will break the connection in a railway bridge and stick one train teetering on the edge so another train can rescue him or her.
I wonder whether by providing our kids with a sense of history in their family, to know where they came from, see old photos of us and our family will give them a sense of who they are and who we are. Surely this is part of building their confidence and self worth. Isn't this what will help them form healthy friendships and relationships later on in life? Seeing anatomical footage of sex, like watching animals at it isn't what makes us fall in love with someone. Giving them the skills to communicate their feelings and expectations to each other is surely more relevant here. Once they know the biology, which I believe they can fully comprehend by the time they are 7 or 8, it's up to us to guide them towards being balanced human beings.

Monsieur Robinet

At about 7pm I was just starting the last of Leon and Reuben's bedtime stories when Toby informed me it was the night John Hegley was on at the Maltings. Having made a great deal of effort to interest my friends in coming with me, no-one was available/interested and even though I really wanted to go, I'd pretty much resigned myself to not going.
Love is a Husband who tells you to go, get going, go on go, you can bike down there and be there just in time. So I kissed the boys good night and cycled down to the Maltings. Within minutes I was buying a ticket and there was a seat in the front row. I did feel conspicuously alone but I've been to stuff on my own before, mainly before my 30th birthday but still. I wanted to twitter while I waited with no one to talk to but The Maltings is in a twitter blackout zone, it seems. I had signal enough to send a text and receive one back but the internet was not at my disposal. I've done my best to keep it up in my head and get it down here before I forget. I was also conscious I'd left the house without looking in any mirror, I had an extra hair clip in my hair that I'd found on the floor when Reuben tipped a pen jar out this afternoon and probably looked like the woman who drove the school bus in South Park.
It was lots of fun, John Hegley and Keith Moore on Double Bass and Euphonium. It reminded me a bit of the days when I used to go to Gypsy Jazz with my Dad and Leon Russelson, Comedy, songs and poetry. All a quirky, imaginative and cheeky look at life through the eyes of a man forever 7 years old. I hope I get to take Leon when he's about 7.
I bought a book, which was signed by John in red and blue crayon. I was all a flutter and didn't manage to string much of a sentence together but tried to sound appreciative and slightly intelligent, the latter failed. I think I said something stupid about there not being much material from him available then now I've googled him for a picture, he is a very prolific artist with many publishings, even a mug, which I feel the urge to buy, even maybe get one for my dad. I'm not sure why I didn't find this site when I googled the first time and sent links to my friends, especially the ones who appear to come from a cultural wilderness, and the others who clearly have a more interesting life than me. I'm glad I went.
When I got back to my bike, there was frost on my helmet and seat, I gingerly biked back home through town, Fore Hill is a bit of an effort and the cold is right down inside my lungs but hopefully it's not done me any harm. It's a long time since I cycled in the cold or that late at night (10pm, sad eh?) The fresh cold air, the smell of wood smoke and that funny sensation when your chin goes numb. It was very lovely. I'm very glad I went.
Now, time for my tea.

Still cold

God it's cold, I'm really done with the wintry showers now. Saturday we did the 2nd Nearly New Sale at the lighthouse centre. It went really well and it was an enjoyable experience. We managed to find a few nice bits too - one perk of organising it I get to look round as they set up :) Dad came to help again - he does the door - we've discovered that it's really nice to have him here to help, he enjoys doing it and there's only so many visits to Anglesea Abbey he can do so this is a nice change.
Leon likes having my dad here too, he likes it when Grandma or Granddad Don come to stay :)

brush

A slightly and increasingly less rare moment of collaboration

Thomas is a cheeky engine

It seems fitting/ironic that the one toy that causes the most arguments is the wooden railway. Thomas stories are full of tales of learning lessons in life like getting on with people and learning to not behave like a complete arse to your fellow human beings. In our house it is the source of the most animosity between the boys as they steal each other's trains and argue about track rights. I make separate tracks for each of them but I turn my back and Percy is suddenly in Tidmouth sheds with Leon when a minute ago he was chuffing along with Rosie and Reuben. Reuben retaliates by stealing James, then it all kicks off as Leon chases Reuben round the room and Reuben hangs on to James for dear life and Leon tries in vain to get it back while throwing a hissy fit. My only real course of action is to say right, the railway goes away - I warn Leon when it goes out, any arguing and screaming and the railway goes away. Some days it works and the rail way is out from dawn until dusk, other days, like today it barely made dawn.

Feb here already

I was rudely awakened this morning at 6am by Reuben screaming the house down, judging by his lack of response to me and cuddles, he was dreaming and it took a good few minutes of hard crying for him to calm down which is virtually unheard of for him - he's usually the most laid back lad and hardly ever cries. Having said that, having an older brother dominating him, he's becoming very good at sticking up for himself and if that means hanging on to something for dear life and crying as loud as Leon, so be it. Yesterday he had a run in with Harriet (same age as Leon) who wanted to play with what he was playing with, he hung in there and wouldn't give it up, Harriet threw a massive 3 year old hissy fit and poor Liz ended up taking her home as it didn't look like she was going to let go. I played host to 3 other 3 year olds and their younger siblings yesterday for a pizza making party. It went down very well with the rest of the kids - from kneading the dough, then loading the pizza, then eating the pizza. Most of them ate their slice and enjoyed it. I wonder if Reuben was re-living his experience of hanging on to his favorite toy, something along those lines. I believe it's not unusual at this age (19m) to get night terrors. Leon had them for a while too, generally we'd let him ride it out, he'd cry for about 30 seconds like the world was ending then he'd be fast asleep again. With the two of them being next to each other it's more complicated as Leon is woken up too. This was different to what Leon had, so we will see what works if it carries on.